“I can’t parent because I never had a parent” is becoming more and more of a common reason behind parent-child relationship struggles. It is sad that this is what so many people struggle with, however it is not an excuse to not parent your children.
For starters, parents in this position, I realize that you have a painful history of memories. I encourage you to seek out someone to voice those memories to and to find healing. Whether you seek out a close friend, relative, or a therapist, voice these pains and memories. Voicing struggles always helps to get them out of your head and brings you one step closer to healing. You can find healing for yourself through Christ, through therapy, and by replacing the memories of what you had with current daily reminders of who you are now.
However, parents, you are still equipped to be a parent. Parenting comes naturally. You do not have to be afraid of mimicking the ways of your parents. The very best first step you can take with your child is to choose to love your child. Love is a powerful tool in any relationship. When you choose to love your child, you choose to prioritize your child.
Your relationship with your child is far more important than temporarily washing away your painful past with some form of alcohol or drugs. Choose to wash away your memories by replacing them with time spent with your kid playing, having movie marathons, or exploring outdoors.
Erase your memories of being abused with proper punishment of your child, proper redirection of your child, teaching your child morality and why something is wrong.
Teach your child that they are far more important than a new relationship that floats in and out of your life. Your child comes first. Sure, date if you want to, but don’t for a second think that replacing the time you once spent with your child with a new girlfriend/boyfriend is a better option. You are not your parent, you are your child’s parent and you are better than that. Don’t cause your child the trauma you were caused. You are better than that, I am sure of it.
Parents, don’t underestimate yourselves. You are capable of being a good parent. You are loved by your child. You are important. You are needed by your child. You are worthy of being your child’s parent.
You will never truly be happy until you find peace in yourself and in God. Be content with who you are and the life God has given you. It may be a tough road, but I am cheering you on because I know that you are more than capable of living this life to the fullest!! ❤