“If you are so tempted by sex that it is too hard for you to withstand, get married! Why do something that was made to be beautiful and turn it into sin?”
-Raleigh Sadler, During a meeting when a group from ECU went to work with his organization Let My People Go
Having a roommate or partner has seemed to become a huge norm in today’s time. And to be honest, I am not sure that I understand how this started, where the acceptability of it was birthed, or why it is such a fad.
**If you are a guy reading the following replace the word “boyfriend”‘ with “girlfriend” every time it is said so that it may still apply to you, because it totally does.**
Moving in with your boyfriend while dating is like committing to be together but leaving an option of easy out by not binding marriage to that tie. Therefore, not committing. I have a number of points I would like to address with this topic.
So one, are you giving yourself time to date? Don’t be quick to say yes, slow down and think. Are you giving yourself time to get ready in your own space, to wait with butterflies of anticipation for your boyfriend to knock on your door with a flower in his hand or maybe arms open wide for a hug? You can’t because you are getting ready in the same bedroom.
What about at night when he drops you off from your date? How can you go lie in your bed and feel allll the butterflies floating around in your belly from the magical night you just had? How can you dream of the future where maybe that’s more dates, more time spent together, or a wedding when he’s right there beside you? You can’t. I mean sure you can still dream, but it definitely isn’t the same and does not have the same effect whatsoever.
Ladies, what are the special moments about dates to you or just spending time together? For me, I loved to spend time with Nathan while we were dating. I spent time with him whenever I had the chance. I hated leaving him at night, but I did and the next morning we would wake up early and spend more time together. Because we knew in our hearts that was the right thing to do and boy am I glad that we did. It made waiting til marriage something so special. (I am in no means claiming perfection in our relationship, no one can. So don’t read the above like that)
In the Bible the Lord says that a child shall leave his mother and father to become one with their spouse (Genesis 2:24). Sooo, not to live together or to engage in sexual activity together before marriage. These things are reserved for the sacred unification for marriage where they are made special. Living together is something that is so wonderful and meant to be saved for the day of unity and forever after. The same for sex. Sex is the closest one can physically get with another, yet now a days it is thrown around so casually like a deck of cards. Guys, I encourage you to save these special milestones in life. Don’t pick them up from the future in and bring them into the present. Wait for the future to become present.
Allow yourself and your boyfriend the time and space the date to get to know one another, to miss each other, to love from afar. Allow each other time to grow in this period of your lives. And then get engaged when the time is right. Plan the wedding. Get excited. THEN, get married. Enjoy the magical first night together. And after that you are forever in love, forever committed to one another, forever living together, forever together in unity as one.
So I challenge you-
Ladies, encourage your friends by the way you live. We don’t have to preach at people. We can live our lives by example and then when approached and asked you are able to freely share the Lord’s way of life because their hearts are molded and ready.
If you are that guy or gal that is living with someone, don’t be afraid to commit. If this is the person God has given you to be with, why sin more? Get married! Or separate housing if you are not feeling ready for marriage. Move out. Place boundaries in place that will not allow you guys to feel tempted beyond what you can bear. Pray about what you guys should do and if you are following the Lord’s call or your own flesh. It can be easy to follow flesh, but it is so fulfilling and worth it to follow the Lord.
Guys, I mean none of this in a judgey, harsh, or preachy way. Rather, I write these things to speak truth into lives who may be ready to hear these things. I speak these truths to give hope to the hopeless. I speak these truths to spread the Lord’s goodness and grace. He loves us even when we mess up. He forgives us when we repent. Choose to follow Him friend. Seek out someone to talk to whether it is me, a family member, a friend. Seek out someone who loves Christ and who will unashamedly point you in the right direction.
Gals, I encourage you all to never be afraid to speak the Lord’s truth. We are His people, made in His image. Lets love people of all walks of life. Let’s ALL do life together giving Him the praise and glory.
I encourage everyone including myself, whether on the subject of a “roommate” or another struggle in life, take a step back and examine your life through God’s eyes. What should we nip? Tweak? What in our lives have we not surrendered to Him? Let’s trust Him friends. After all, He created trust!