Guys, I have been married for 9ish months. That is literally so little time, but I have felt the most intense lesson in these past months, one that Nathan and I have taken SO SO seriously so that our marriage will thrive… for 108 more years, haha!!
It is so fun to go on dates with our spouse. It is not so fun to argue, however arguing comes naturally and it’s how you handle the argument that determines the effect on your relationship. We tend to try to de-escalate one another and talk it out. We even snuggle up to talk it out. Like we don’t want to snuggle because we are frustrated, but the more level headed one of us at that point and time knows that if we do, by connecting like that physically it breaks down the barrier of frustration and opens a pathway to communication. That communication leads to a resolved or talked out issue. But how do you know to do these things to keep your marriage healthy? How do you know what works for you and your spouse? You have to feed your marriage like you do your body!
When we were dating we read through two or three different Five Love Languages books by Gary Chapman. These books really helped us understand one another on a totally different level. They taught us how we need to focus on loving one another in the ways that we each need to be loved. I always joke with Nathan telling him I just need all five types of love, haha!
Closer to our wedding, maybe the year prior to it, we went through the books “31 Prayers for My Future Wife” and “31 Prayers for My Future Husband” by Jennifer & Aaron Smith. And y’all, if I could buy these books for every single engaged couple- I WOULD!!! They are incredible. God has really given this couple a gift to write about Godly relationships. These books are so so good! They teach you how to pray specifically for things you would never think of for your future spouse (or at least I never thought of!!), yet things that are so necessary to have prayer over!!
Now, our current books are “Wife in Pursuit” and “Husband in Pursuit” by Selena & Ryan Frederick. Nathan got these books for us for Christmas and y’all they are amazing! Selena does an incredible job at reminding me to be the wife I was created to be and doing away with things that are not pleasing to the Lord. My biggest struggle is having a poor attitude at times and God has really used this book to help me work on thinking more positively so that circumstances do not dictate my attitude. This book also gives readers date ideas that are intentionally thoughtful to help you and your spouse remain close and intimate or to help you get that relationship back to that point. We are going through these books together but individually and it is so fun to do things for one another with such intentionality. I truly believe that butterflies exist forever if you work to give them to your spouse.
This blog is not meant to be just a book review, but it kind of is! These books have been such a blessing to us. We are firm believers that marriage can be exciting, life-giving, thrilling, romantic, and so much more if you are intentional about making it that way. It is SO easy to get stuck in a routine that you often may forget to intentionally be with your spouse in the way that is pleasing to them.
My Nathan loves to be respected, to be heard, and to be loved on physically. A kiss good morning is hard for me because I am barely dragging myself out of the bed, but for him it starts his day off right. He had that little bit of love shown to him that helps his day just get kicked off on the right path. Not that I do this every day, but I try and that is what’s important. He knows that if I forget, once I have my coffee he will get that kiss, haha!
For me, I need time where he is completely focused on me and I on him. I need times where we laugh from the belly because we are having so much fun and I need time where I can cry and be held and listened too. Time spent specifically focused on just the two of us is vital to my well-being in our marriage.
Everyone’s needs to feel that special love that is unique and it is important to find tools to explore these needs. Using books like these are fun (definitely not a boring read), not very time consuming, and they are so helpful in helping us understand our spouses on a whole other level.
Guys, I encourage you to try these books or find a tool that will help your marriage stay exciting and thriving!! It is so fun!